Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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