how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
