So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
