another moral hangover. fuck.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
