I feel like abortions should bother me more
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
