Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
