Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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