You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
