Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
