I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
