those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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