$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
