and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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