I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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