i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
