coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
