We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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