Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
