This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
