Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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