Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
