I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
