Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
