Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
