I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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