bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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