After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize