if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I FOUND THE LEGS
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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