No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize