You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
