I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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