i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
