i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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