Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
