It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
