I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
