it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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