White coat. Heels.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This house was built for laser tag.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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