He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
