I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
