Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
