I hope mine doesn't look like that
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
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I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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