two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
