Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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