I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
