Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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