I accidentally had phone sex last night
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
