Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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