i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
