I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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