i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
