Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
