i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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