Don't make out with my wife yet
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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