I heard we made out
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
so much tequila, so little girl.
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