I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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