It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
