you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
