I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
