we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
