I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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