literally had 100 drinks last night.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
