The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
