; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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