Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
