i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you never un-have a 4some
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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