Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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