hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
