can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
