Kareoke will never be a sober sport
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
