I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
