What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
