I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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