i can't believe i had my finger in that
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
