Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
