Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
