I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
